So first post I guess, crazy to think I have so much going on right now and I don’t know how to handle any of it. I feel more alone then ever and my recovery from the psych ward seems like the furthest thing away from me. I just want to feel happy , to have a break from anger and sadness, and it just doesn’t seem to stop. People say you need bad to feel the good but how do you feel the good when the bad takes people away and seems to have the idea it’s the boss. Today has been a day of Netflix, curled up in a ball, crying and smoking pot. And I’m okay with that. That’s what I need today, because I can’t adult. I don’t think I’ve actually ever been an adult. That alone is a crazy thought but mix in my suicide attempt, my 2 week psych ward stay, my borderline personality disorder ( goes great with my anxiety and depression), my death of my uncle of whom I was extremely close with and now the fact that my dad wants to try to have a relationship. He apologized for how he’s been and not being in my life. So my brain is exploding. Between my family and appointments I’m exhausted, but I want to start working again soon, I just don’t think I can handle it yet. Well I feel better after smoking that dub and writing this, I’m going back to curl up in bed and watch Netflix, until tomorrow.
Xoxo SuicidalGirl